"I can't have that...."

It sure seems that most of my exciting stories occur within the confines of the lunch hour.  This is no exception.  Do you remember in elementary school how you would need permission to leave the lunch room?  For me, here's how it would go:

I would scrounge up the few good parts of the lunch (some Pringles or Oreos) and eat ALL of it.  For my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and whole grain bread, I'd just tear it into a bunch of little pieces, creating the illusion that I ate a lot of it.  I'd stick my apple in my neighbor's lunch box when they weren't looking and "drop" my carrot sticks.  Then I'd raise my hand and ask if I could leave.  The lunch lady would come over, stare straight into my soul, then hesitantly let me go outside to recess. And so was life.  I am now the evil lunch lady, ordering students to eat "three more bites" and making them "sit on their back pockets." 

I tried a lot of different strategies in an attempt to eat as little as possible and go outside as early as possible.  I thought those strategies were pretty clever.  But I never tried this.....

Oliver raises his hand.  I open his lunch box and peer inside.  I look at him.  Reading my mind, he says,

"I'm allergic to apples.  And eggs. And carrots."

Why is it always the healthy
 things they're allergic to?

"Honey, being allergic to something isn't the same as not liking it."

"I AM allergic.  I promise." (All while avoiding eye contact).

"You're allergic to all three??"

"I swear."

The kid wasn't budging. 

"If I asked your mom, would SHE say that you were allergic to apples, eggs and carrots?"

Pause.  Long pause.  How can I answer this so that I won't have to eat these healthy things?

"No, but she doesn't know I'm allergic."

"Well how about this, Oliver.  How about you pick the thing you're LEAST allergic to and eat three bites of that?"  In an attempt to withhold the three-bite theory.

He agreed.  You know, I wish I would have thought of this when I was a young elementary-schooler.  Very clever.  I give him props.  Some students just want attention when they bring up allergies (like the girl who wouldn't smell my chocolate scratch-n-sniff sticker I put on her valentine because she's "allergic" to chocolate) but this little feller just wanted to go out to recess.  I understand that.  I should have just let him go.

Signed,
Miss V.